THE REPEAT MOMENT

This is it!
I think it was P&G who were contacted by some nutter who said - I can double usage of your Head and Shoulders Shampoo product with virtually no cost to you in doing so. But it'll cost you a million dollars to find out. OK, they said. His answer was to add the word repeat to the usage instructions and market this in all the advertising for the product. It worked.

Here's my similar idea that I reckon will increase your kitchen sales by about 50% - an idea by my fag packet reckoning that's worth £50 to £60M a year.

Simple.

Relocate your kitchen showroom to where I come in to start my shopping.

Put the cheque in the post.

£4.97

It was for a Disney Princess blob lamp.A snowstorm that lights up over the princess castle in different colours. My daughter is absolutely delighted. It looked to me like maybe a xmas end of line special. So there is something in your stores for kids!

£487.34

That's what I just paid the architect. But I could have paid you.

The architect isn't an architect, but is a qualified architectural technician or whatever they are called. He used to be a postman. Very nice chap. Very helpful. Very good at contacts with the local planners and building control people. Very flexible. Nice to deal with. And a fraction of the cost of an architect, though doing the same job essentially. Those are the positives.

Having used his services in the past I know he has to be watched a bit on detail - not my forte either. His drawings are fine. But they could easily be CAD CAM rendered to give a real picture of how the building will look. And he isn't a creative thinker - but then I'm on that case.

The reason I bring this into the blog is to put forward the idea that you could do this - profitably and with minimum investment. And it would change your positioning so that you are in there as a partner at the start - and able and trusted to advise - and of course cross sell right from the beginning and across the whole course of the project.

LIGHT OF MY LIFE

Perhaps it is Seasonal Affective Disorder. Perhaps it is that. as I get older, my eyes get dimmer. I find it harder and harder to cope with the dull British winter. It's the lack of light. It depresses me no end, and it's a prime mover in wanting to do something about the house.

I don't really know how to light a room. I'd like to be taught. But I know when one is dull and dingy. To try and help a bit, I go to your store to buy a floor lamp. I go with that other light of my life, my daughter.

The lighting section isn't what I'd call extensive, especially for floor lamps. But there are a couple and I choose the Lambo. All well and good. The only observation I would make about the lighting section on this trip - apart from "get a bigger range" - is that it isn't ideal to have the display of floor lamps on the second or third shelf up. It makes it very difficult to see the height of the lamps.

My daughter says she's hungry, so we head to your cafe. There's also a catering stand outside the store, which to be honest seems a better bet, but we haven't yet checked out. The lady in the cafe is lovely with my daughter - very patient and affectionate. We are the only people in there, bar one. We remain the only people in there, apart from staff coming in for cups of tea etc.

There seems to be only a very limited range of foodstuffs on sale. In a bored moment I count them up: 25 on display. The place seems a bit irrelevant. I think to myself that surely there must be a better use for this square footage. What about, for example, replacing the cafes with in store toy shops specialising in construction toys. You'd have my daughter's rapt attention, and mine. It might even give me another reason to come, and would help solve the question on every parent's mind - how do I occupy the kids here.

As if in response, there is a very official tannoy announcement, asking parents to supervise and keep kids under control at all times!

Couldn’t believe that you really don’t sell bricks. Debated it with BG over lunch. “Can’t be,” was his view. “I know”, I said, “mad, isn’t it?” So I went round to my local store and checked. “Do you sell bricks?”
“Yep. Trade counter, mate.”
At the trade counter I asked if you have a catalogue of different bricks.
“No, love. But we’ve got a man who comes round and matches ‘em up.”
“What about roof trusses – do you do those?”
“Yes. We’ll get them for you.”
“Great. None of that is on your website is it?”
“No love. Trade.”
!!!!!

I mess about on your website for ages. There's a lot of good stuff there. But the navigation is clunky and not consumer oriented. Sometimes its very frustrating.
I launched the kitchen planner and mucked about creating a design. I felt so proud of myself. So I saved it and later, when her indoors came in, I wanted to show it to her. But could I find it again? Not on your nelly. So I looked like a right prat.
I found it eventually. But who'd have thought you have to launch the kitchen planner again - when its clearly a download and you think you've already done it. Even then I nearly missed the "my saved designs" tab. Not easy. Shame, because the tool itself is great.

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL

I go on a wider netsearch for bricks. Jewson's comes up trumps. Their site is clearly arranged for the user and their self build section of the site is great - great for clarity and great tools to use. They offer a project estimating service, free. Five days, and they'll come back to you with a materials and labour estimate based on your plans. Excellent. I could see myself using thst, if only to check I'm not being ripped off. I'd have little idea otherwise. They also offer a brick matching service. Just what I need.

ONLY BRICKS AND MORTAR

But you don't sell them.
Doh.
At least, that's what I get from your website.
I type in bricks into the search engine and get nothing.
Difficult to believe.
I try roof trusses.
Likewise.
Mmmmmm. So maybe I need to go somewhere else to source these major spend items.

CLOAKROOM?

Strange, isn't it?
A cloakroom isn't actually a cloakroom any more.
It's a toilet.
Try google images for "cloakroom" and you will see what I mean.

JARGONWATCH

Tambours
Pilasters
Cornices
Plinths

Kitchens Direct. Do me a favour!

IDEA FOR THE SHED

At Moben they have a slideshow on the website so that at a glance you can see the ranges and navigate to the style which you want.

GOOD IDEA

I thought this was a neat space using idea:

WORKSTATION

We both work from home. There's snow outside. That means the kitchen table is an open plan office. my workstation is the kitchen table, east end. Hers, kitchen table north west corner. Sustenance: mint tea and bacon butties. More and more people are like us - no career, just a portfolio of things you do - and you do them from home.



You can relate this to kitchen design. Came across this which i thought was neat:

INSPIRATION

INSPIRATION

IDEAS FOR THE SHED

• Do the plans for me. I'm about to write a cheque for £300 or £4oo to an architect. That's only going to be a part of his bill. Why am I paying him? Why aren't I paying you, dear Shed?
  
• Or maybe provide me with a place equipped for me to do it myself.
  
• And the plan drawing is so dumb. Why can't you show me possibility at this stage so that I love you and you are part of my project, part of my creative imagination for the space, part of my dream. then, because you occupy that special place in my heart you can really cash in. I won't even mind. I want you to be there.

IDEA FOR THE SHED

So we start to think about extending.

How much will it cost?

Tell me.

Give me a ball park.

It's an extension of this size and this character. Help me know how much I should be planning for as a cost.

Can't be that difficult. and it would be worth its weight in gold so that I have some idea of whether I am about to get ripped off.

THE MAGNET KEEPS DRAWING US IN

Here we go again.
I hate you, kitchen but you're all we've got.
Trapped!
Warmly, happily trapped!

IDEA FOR THE SHED

• PERIODICITY. Have a bank of images of different periods of houses, so that I can get inspired about the possibilities of home improvement in keeping with the period of my own house. When you think about it it ain't that difficult. It could show what others have done. you could link this to discounts - you show us yours; we'll show you the colour of our money. Show what will and won't work. Show what's in keeping and what is not.

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP

CLUTTER BEGONE!

A BAD SMELL UNDER MY NOSE

Kitchen, I hate you.

You're dim.
You're mediocre.
Your SO 1970's.
You've got no class.
You've got the bodgit philosophy of the previous owners written all over you.
You're so badly lit.
You don't even fit the period of the house.
Yet you're a magnet for all who come here.
Here we sit over wine and food.
I hate you.
You're my public face and you're nothing like me.
I hate you.

THE AIMS - EMOTIONAL

• Feel better about the space
• Feel better about the geometry of the house
• Feel better about the scale and status of the house
• Relax in a beautiful new living space
• Look forward to a really grand inglenook fireplace
• Declutter books by having some ace wall to ceiling bookcases / cabinets

THE AIMS - FUNCTIONAL

• Revitalise the current kitchen space
• Build a modern kitchen space, that is in keeping with the period of the house
• Gain from doing so a new period living area
• Gain from doing so a new morning room
• Gain from doing so, a downstairs loo
• Dispose of the dreary current cloakroom and gain a new more effective cloakroom space
• Gain more light and access into the north half of the house
• Gain considerably better layout for a kitchen in terms of work and storage space

THE ROOM THAT STARTS IT ALL

The kitchen is the heart of the house.

But I'm sniffy about it.

It's dated.

It's scruffy.

It's dim.

But it's where we always end up.

The warmth of the Aga in winter.

The access to the gardens in summer.

But I feel let down by it. I feel it lets down the house. And I feel we could be more imaginative about the use of space and at the same time, by doing not that much, elevate the house to a status it deserves, still having at its heart a wonderful living space.

THE HOUSE NOW

The Full SP

Here's me - an ordinary bloke in a relatively ordinary house. And I'm thinking about extending it. This blog is to be a record of my thoughts, ideas and experiences in doing so.